the trick i've found is to find ways to eliminate things from ever making it onto the to-do list in the first place.

Don't stack dishes in the sink, put them directly into the washing machine with the powder pre-loaded so you can just close it and press start when it's filled.
Put a trashcan in every single fucking room so you can just discard things directly into it rather than collecting the garbage from the floor.
Sorting, ironing, and folding clothes is a fool's errand. They get quickly rolled up and stuffed in drawers, Good Enough.

I think a lot of people on the AuDHD spectrum tend to not really internalize that we have a disability, if things aren't working then the only solution is to change how we do them, you'll never manage to "just get it done" or "just remember it" any more than a person missing their legs will "just stand up".

You're very right, I was mainly recounting how I felt as I had just finally gotten around to several important things that I had been putting off when writing that comment.

I'm not sure if this will help you in any capacity, my to do list consists of two columns on a whiteboard - "Today's To-Do" and "What's Next?"

I start my day off seeing what I did of yesterday's to do, and if anything was missed, I think about why, and if it was important I put it at the top in a different colour and if needed, break it down into smaller sub tasks.

I'll then start moving a couple tasks over from the "What's Next?" column, prioritising importance.

Otherwise I've heard success from the Spoons theory from friends who also have AuDHD.

Depends on your mom...