“Tell me you spank the monkey before any big date. Oh my God, he doesn't flog the dolphin before a big date. Are you crazy? That's like going out there with a loaded gun!” are words to live by.

He'd have done better to have a wank first. Then he could concentrate on giving her a night to remember for something other than almost drowning.

those are two of the people from the other meme where he's looking at the girl in the red dress, right?

"Don't fill up on bread sticks is all I'm saying."

"soil you"

I, too, save my dad jokes for the best chance

I thought this was about the fruit for a second