My partner and I are in a long distance relationship, we've been together for 5 years. From the start, the plan was that I would move there, but he didn't start the application because he wanted to get a stable job (he was working when we met but quit around 2022 when they expected everyone to move from remote back to on-site).
Last year he told me that if Trump gets in he'd move here instead (he's American). My family expressed doubts about his sincerity, so I confirmed with him multiple times and he insisted.
Now he's saying that he never thought Trump would actually get in, so I shouldn't have taken him seriously. We fought about it and when I said he went back on his word he says I went back on mine since I haven't moved there yet and am now saying I don't want to because of everything happening and I don't feel safe (I'm trans, and even if I wasn't foreigners aren't being treated well from what I've heard).
He's now saying he doesn't want to leave his mom, which is fair, but I feel conflicted about it all. I feel like he's broken my trust, but he's adamant he didn't lie because he never actually expected this to happen.
He also thinks everything is being exaggerated and isn't really as bad as I think it is, especially where he is on the west coast. He says it's safe there, but I wonder for how long. He says if it gets worse we can move here, but how can I trust that? I feel like he's burying his head in the sand (he responded that I'm burying my head in the sand) and ignoring how bad it's going to be, but maybe he's right and I'm stressing too much? At the start of the year he agreed with me about how bad it is but now he doesn't seem to think it's that bad.
Mostly I just want advice I guess, an outside perspective. I don't know how to feel and I'm conflicted about it all.
Long distance relationships are hard. Moving to a new city, let alone a new country is also hard. Which basically means both of you are stuck between two hard situations. Either you moving or him moving are the two options to get out of long distance to be in the same location.
However, both of you have reservations or concerns about moving. It really doesn't matter who said what about moving the real question is what can you do about it? Really there are a few options: continue as is (which it seems like both of you don't want), force someone to move (which is difficult / impossible) or redefine your relationship which is what I suggest. This can mean breaking up but this breakup can be amicable. If you want this person in your life you can stay friends or even change what your relationship means. You could be open now or non-exclusive so you have less pressure on each other. If that feels to hard you could even fully break up but do it friendly so you can keep some of your relationship.
The who moves where arguments seems like it might be a case of finding something to blow up in order to break you up. This doesn't have the be the case