I'm AuDHD and I also struggle with alexithymia, which I think is probably what you're describing in your last sentence? (Although in my case, I don't struggle with understanding other people's feelings, just my own.) But having the ability to listen to other people's problems attentively, and the ability to communicate your own preferences (if not feelings) plainly without playing games, is enough to put you in the realm of "more emotionally intelligent than most". And these are things that a certain level of autism tends to promote.