"Dear Elon,

Your constant inquiries have gone beyond annoying, so I'm going to give it to you straight: You will never be invited to my island.

Look, the truth is, you're just too fucking weird. It's hard enough to keep these girls in the game, pretending to enjoy sexing up these sweaty, fat old pigs, without some grotesque naked goblin prancing around, randomly emitting strange noises like a howler monkey with Tourette's. You'll scare the crap out of my kittens. They're only little girls, after all.

I wish you well in your future endeavors, but lose my number.

Your friend,

Jeff"