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A man sits on his porch during a flood (lemmy.zip)
submitted 3 days ago by to c/dadjokes@lemmy.world
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A man sits on his porch in a flood.

His neighbor comes by in a canoe. "Hop in!" He says. "We'll get out of here!"

"No thanks," says the man, " God will save me."

Soon, the water rose and the man is on his balcony.

A Search and Rescue boat arrives. The rescuer yells. "Hop in, sir! We'll rescue you!"

"No thanks," says the man, "God will save me."

Now the water has risen higher.

The man is on his roof when a Coas Guard helicopter arrives.

"Hang on! We'll drop you a rope!" Yells the Coast Guard pilot.

"Save someone else! God will save me!"

The water rises over the house and the man drowns.

He stands at the gates of heaven in front of God.

"Why didn't you save me?!" The man demands

"I sent you a canoe, a boat, and a helicopter. What the hell else did you want?"

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[–] [S] 5 points 3 days ago

Ha! That's a good one!

You know why you always take two Baptists fishing? Because if you only take one he'll drink all your beer.

You know why Baptists make love standing up? They don't want anyone to think they're dancing.

I also know a hell joke, though it doesn't have anything to do with Baptists.

A guy dies and goes to hell. A demon takes him to a room with everyone just standing around in piles of shit. At first he's depressed, but then he notices that there's no fire or torture, just piles of shit.

He says to himself, "I guess this ain't so bad. I might even get used to it."

Just then, Satan walks in and says. "Alright, fuckers. 5 minute millenial break is over. Get back on your heads."

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