.ml is fine generally, this is coming from someone who was tempbanned from .ml communities for stupid reasons
Every instance has its quirks, you determine whether if you want to engage with any particular moderation scheme.
- Lemmy.blahaj.zone has zero tolerance for anti-trans sentiment and intentional misgendering, to explictly be a LGBTQ+ safe space.
- Lemmy.ml has less tolerance for anti-Russia and anti-China views due to its Marxist Leninist origins but isn't too bad otherwise.
- Feddit.org follows German law which blurs the line between anti-Israel commentary and antisemitism.
- Lemmy.ca is not an unconditional free speech haven either, the server's existence is contingent on following Canadian laws including ones barring hate speech.