There have been a few changes over the course of my marriage. For the sake of this post, I'm gonna refer to just a few.

  1. My wife didn't want to shave/wax anymore. Cool, you do you.
  2. She didn't want to give oral anymore. Okay, that's her right to decide what she wants and doesn't want to do.
  3. We used to flirt and sext all day long and I'd be down for anything by the end of the day. She didn't want to do this anymore, to better focus at work. Okay.

These, and other such changes are all reasonable and I've respected her choices without demanding anything. She has legit reasons for all the changes she's made.

Buuuut it has come at the cost of me losing sexual attraction towards her and not being all that interested anymore.

When I reduced initiating, she picked up the mantle. Over time, I'm down to never initiating, and on most days actively turning her down. Drowning while others starve and all that.

As I write this, I can see that the comments are most likely going to be "therapy," but that's $$$ that's gonna be hard to come by. Or "have you spoken to her about it?" -- I haven't, because I don't know how to do so without sounding like "get waxed, and get on your knees."

So, help??

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[–] 3 points 1 week ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

If ‘The Real Her’ isnt what youre interested in? Well then 1. both you and her will have to talk about compromises that you two can work on together to stay together… 2. or youll have to just completely end the relationship if the compromises you two plan on making are too great for either of you to endure.

There are no third options in cases like this. THIS is what makes real , long-lasting relationships so hard to come by and to keep : 1. Either the compromises involved for oneor many of the parties involved are too overwhelming and they have to leave or 2. someone has difficulty finding a person that is very much like the type of person theyll love forever because when their partner finally reveals who ‘The Real Them’ is like they end up REALLLLY like that 'The Real Them' version of that person.

Thats how humanity has been when it comes to relationships for milenia that is problem how humanity will be like for ever. Take it or leave it , you dont have to play the game of dating if you dont want to. It is what it is.🤷🏿‍♂️

Best of wishes to them and anyon else who is going through a similar situation.

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