this post was submitted on 20 Jul 2025

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R/trans is a fucking mess (lemmy.world)

submitted 1 year ago by andros_rex@lemmy.world to c/ftm@lemmy.blahaj.zone

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Not me, but if you’ve been following the drama, they removed this post about the unique issues we face as “divisive.”

It fucking sucks. There’s been a lot of discussion in other trans masc spaces about “transandrophobia” and this seems to absolutely demonstrate it. We aren’t treated seriously in spaces that should be welcoming for us.

People assume “trans” means trans woman. Spaces for trans people are often for trans women. Jamison Green wrote a while back about us not really having our own community, decades ago, and it still feels true today.

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[–] Lumelore@lemmy.blahaj.zone 25 points 1 year ago* (5 children)

As a trans woman I wish that others in the community would be treated better. Trans means all trans people and that means enbies, men, and women.

I think that people generally associate trans with trans women because of the media. If we are scary then we are a more effective scapegoat. It's easier to make trans women scary because they can brand us as perverted men.

I am also aware that there are significantly more trans women in online spaces than trans men. I also see people complaining about more trans women being moderators but of course that's going to be the case when we make up a larger percentage of the user base. I have no idea what to do about this. I would like there to be as many trans men as there are trans women in these spaces but idk what can even be done to achieve that. I talked about this before with a trans man I know and we both had zero idea how to do that.

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[–] EmptySlime@lemmy.blahaj.zone 32 points 1 year ago (4 children)

Trans means all trans people and that means enbies, men, and women.

Yes! My gods the experience I had when I first started actually figuring things out around 10 years ago was horrible because of people not getting this. I tried to join a few online communities that claimed to be for trans people or at least trans inclusive and it was such a horrible experience. Multiple large communities the literal second they learned I'm AMAB and not on HRT I either got outright banned, told my existence was triggering to other members and I should either leave or not participate in any discussions, or told that I'm not actually nonbinary.

That I just have too much "internalized transmisogyny" and I'll be so much happier once my egg cracks the rest of the way. The last one particularly hurt because I'd had an entire gender crisis back in high school and I literally told them that the idea of being a woman felt just as wrong but in different ways as being a man and they just laughed at me like I didn't know what I was talking about. Took me so long to actually start willingly engaging with trans communities again.

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[–] Lumelore@lemmy.blahaj.zone 15 points 1 year ago (1 child)

Yes! Enbies are valid and there are so many ways to transition. I always say to just do what makes you happy because everyone is different and there is no "correct" way, just different ways.

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[–] EmptySlime@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 1 year ago*

You would think that if anyone was going to, then other trans people would understand that, but my gods so many people in the community end up whether they realize it or not perpetuating the bad stereotypes that cause so many of us grief. Trans guys don't have to take everything on the chin without complaint to be valid just like trans ladies don't have to perfectly perform femininity to be valid. You'd think that people who reject the box they were put in wouldn't be jumping at the chance to force others into boxes.

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[–] Triasha@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago (1 child)

God I'm sorry.

It should be so simple. Not taking hormones doesn't mean you aren't trans.

If someone else is uncomfortable that should be their problem. It's true for us and that includes you.

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[–] EmptySlime@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 1 year ago

It should be! But my gods it feels like there's a very loud portion of at least the online trans community that thinks that the only valid ways to be trans are "fem-leaning androgynous enby" if you're AFAB and "trans woman" if you're AMAB. As if the second that they can look at you and read "that's a dude" you stop being valid or something. Which is so messed up.

I don't know, I think that's part of why I've always vibed more with the transmasc crowd than the transfem one despite being AMAB. It's not the same but I spent my entire life getting bullied by the men in it for being too effeminate. I had a baby doll that I took care of while my Mom took care of my baby brother when she did something I couldn't help with. I cried too easily, I didn't care about cars and sports like they did, I had no interest in sex. It was like the way everyone else saw me was "girl badly pretending to be a boy" except I didn't feel like either.

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