Perfectly understandable upon that, but you do seem kind of... resistant to information / suggestion. (sorry for my rudeness)
Like you're stuck doing your thing, and you prefer to rightfully complain about that shitty situation, but somehow you keep finding ways to evade anything that might improve that situation. Like you've totally given up on change, isn't that right?
You've normalised the whole situation in to your life, and now you're carrying that boulder like Sisyphus did, and to let go off that rock would be... fucking unthinkable at this point?
(and again, I'm being a total shithead here, but...)