Everything above reduces to four rules you can run in about two minutes, standing in the aisle:

• Look up the owner, not the name. The name is the cheapest part of the company to preserve. If the ownership trail ends at a private equity firm or a licensing group, assume the product and the reputation are no longer aligned.
• Read the warranty before the reviews. Its length is the company's own estimate of how long the product lasts, and its exclusions are a list of the ways they expect it to fail.
• Buy bare metal where you can. Cast iron, carbon steel, plain stainless. No coating means nothing that dies at cycle 40 and nothing to rebuy in eighteen months.
• Distrust a name that's on everything. When the same brand appears on your pan, your knives, your toaster, and a box fan, nobody who owns it makes anything.