21
[vent] why do I crave a sense of purpose and meaning? Looking at you, agent Smith... (piefed.blahaj.zone)
submitted 4 months ago by to c/mentalhealth@lemmy.world
17 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

Edit: thank you all for your wonderful, heartwarming support! 🩷 I must've had a particularly bad episode (?) last night and I needed to vent. Wish you all a pleasant day! 🩵

cw: passive suicidal thoughts
I wish that I didn't feel the need to feel any purpose with my existence or meaning in life, but I do and it hurts so badly. I was so close to going to the psychiatric ER today because I didn't know what to do with the immense, overwhelming chest pain. I "play" with the thought of ceasing to exist because I hate that I'm just a piece of meat. All I do is survive each day. Alone and ugly. I wish I was a simpleton. I wish I didn't feel every goddamn moment. I got some morphine pills the other day, a fairly minor dosage, to help me endure IPL hair removal. I have a few pills left that could make me numb and dumb for a few hours. Not that it's a viable solution. Next year, when I have saved up some money, I'm thinking about traveling abroad again in order to rediscover myself. I feel so silly. Sorry. Aight. Night. 🌃

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] 4 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Two suggestions.

First, go out and volunteer to help someone else. Buy groceries for the shut in next door or foster a dog. Helping other people always takes my mind off my own situation.

Second. "Discover What You Are Best At." Linda Gail. They probably have it at your local library. A series of self tests you can finish in half a day and a list of jobs that use those skills.

For example, a product demonstrator, a nurse, and a hair stylish all need good dexterity and good people skills. Three totally different jobs with similar requirements.

I found having a job where I was valued, and where I was interested in the work, made a huge difference in my life.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • hideshow 2 child comments
    •
  • [–] [S] 1 point 4 months ago (1 child)

    Thanks! I have played with the thought of getting some pet in order to have something to care for so that I spend less time with my own mind. I shall look into this further. Meanwhile, and this is only indirectly related to your reply, l while I love both cats and dogs, it feels like such a cheap trick with which to console myself, because - especially dogs - are so expressive and communicative. I'd rather get fish or even reptiles, because all they need from me is to help them maintain a perfect environment for them to live in, a task that in itself could take my mind off of things.

    Oh, and I do enjoy my job to a certain extent. Both my boss and colleagues are GREAT and the job itself is rewarding (parole officer, for lack of a better word).

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 1 child comment
    •
  • [–] 2 points 4 months ago

    My job was in public health, so I knew I was actually helping people.

    Yes, pets are great for your mental health. We had cats when I was a kid. After I moved out I didn't have any, but after my mother died I decided to get one. Helped a lot.

    Good luck

    ❤️ 1
  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent