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me_irl (lemmy.today)
submitted 4 months ago by to c/me_irl@lemmy.world
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[–] 107 points 4 months ago (52 children)

I just find them unnattractive; generally not into piercings or tattoos. To each their own...

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  • [–] 19 points 4 months ago (1 child)

    It's the topic of discussion. And this is a place to share thoughts, ideas and opinions. Since this wasn't somebody's post for themselves, they gave their opinion. Rather respectfully, I might add. So although we like to pretend everyone is of all the same opinions here, that's not the case.

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  • [–] 37 points 4 months ago

    Same, and it's not something I really care to shout from the roof because why does my opinion matter and I don't want to tell people what to do in the first place, but it's also something I can never say even in passing because of what group of people it puts me in

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  • [–] 19 points 4 months ago (20 children)

    Same.

    Although maybe "unnattractive" isn't a good fit because I do understand that it's not a woman's default objective to "be attractive" to me. It's more just that maybe I'm a bit weird about ears and noses. If you have something hanging out of your nose my lizard brain alerts me that it's probably a booger. My more sophisticated hominid brain is aware that it's not, but this creates a kind of unsolvable feedback loop that's unsolvable.

    Yesterday I was interviewing a candidate for a job. I'm genuinely trying to listen and engage with this cacophony of booger not-booger booger not-booger going on.

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  • [–] 12 points 4 months ago (13 children)

    Although maybe "unnattractive" isn't a good fit because I do understand that it's not a woman's default objective to "be attractive" to me.

    When you say that something is unattractive , it's your personal opinion which you are entitled to. It's fine. We are people, we are diverse.

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  • [–] 1 point 4 months ago (12 children)

    Im not so sure about that. Of course its fine to not be attracted to different traits, thats not in question. The problem is what we say.

    If someone says they find a phrase impolite, or that they find a meal bland, there's an implication that the thing has not met that person's expectations.

    People dont sail around expressing their opinion that they find something unattractive for that very reason.

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  • [–] 3 points 4 months ago (6 children)

    If someone says they find a phrase impolite, or that they find a meal bland

    And that's an opinion too. That's fine.

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  • [–] 0 points 4 months ago (5 children)

    You chopped my sentence in half in order to avoid acknowledging the point i made?

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  • [–] 4 points 4 months ago (4 children)

    The second half doesn't change the essence of the phrase. If it does and I didn't understand it - please elaborate.

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  • [–] 0 points 4 months ago (3 children)

    Having an opinion is fine.

    Stating that you have a negative opinion implies that something is unsatisfactory.

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  • [–] 4 points 4 months ago* (2 children)

    ...implies that something is unsatisfactory.

    For the author of the opinion.
    And that's fine

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  • [–] 2 points 4 months ago (4 children)

    I find smoking unattractive.

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  • [–] 1 point 4 months ago

    Hottest thing ever. Tastes and smells revolting. Eventually kills the person, but fuck if my growing up in the 90s brain doesn’t immediately equate smoking with “ooooh mysterious, probably reads a lot of Russian fiction, hot af.”

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  • [–] -1 points 4 months ago (2 children)

    IMO this isn't a special case. Most smokers don't want to be smokers, they are unable to stop. It's fine that you find smoking unattractive, but telling everyone just makes you a bit of a jerk IMO.

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  • [–] 26 points 4 months ago* (4 children)

    I didn't say it was anyone's objective to be attractive to me. And it isn't. I just have (as does everyone else) the agency to decide for myself what I find attractive or not.

    Thank you for pointing out the possibly ambiguity of my response though, so I could clarify.

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  • [–] 9 points 4 months ago (3 children)

    Do you decide what you find attractive? Or just observe and notice? Could you decide that something is attractive for you?

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  • [–] -1 points 4 months ago*

    Yes, i decided by observing and noticing.

    That's how attraction works.

    Im not just by default attracted to one hair style or a specific skin color.

    I observe and notice what attracts me and make a decision.

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  • [+] -27 points 4 months ago (25 children)

    I’m ready for the downvotes

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  • [–] 40 points 4 months ago* (16 children)

    Literally comparing a woman to an actual piece property is probably deserving of the down votes 😅

    The only person living in the apartment building is her, and it belongs to her. She can decorate it however she likes.

    Folks really need to start interrogating how entitled they feel to women's bodies catering their aesthetic desires and fantasies. You dont know that woman- why do you feel so comfortable comparing her to property?

    Its literally her body to live in, I'm not sure how what you like matters even a little bit.

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  • [–] 0 points 4 months ago (2 children)

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  • [–] -4 points 4 months ago (1 child)

    She can decorate it however she likes.

    And will be shocked I tell you when no one of quality moves in.

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  • [–] 4 points 4 months ago

    Lots of folks of quality happen to like tattoos. It's an aesthetic preference not a measure of character, I know planty of tatooed punks I'd date any day of the week over someone like you.

    So far you've really only demonstrated that people who are comfortable comparing women or black folks to property won't be interested in "moving in" which is a weird and gross metaphor. No one moves in. They have their own house. That they can ALSO decorate their own place however they please.

    How that random lady whos picture you got off the internet looks is none of your fucking business. Who she chooses to date is none of your business.

    Please unpack your shit so that all the people who share space with you dont have to deal with the chauvinism you internalized. We all have shit to unpack, I have internalized shit I am working to unpack, but people around you dont deserve to be subjected to a weird entitlement to what they do with their bodies.

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  • [+] -13 points 4 months ago (10 children)

    Since we are sharing what we think other people should think about. You know what people really need to interrogate IMO?

    Friendly fire.

    You have, in this post, concocted a cockamamie, pretty awkward framework with which to argue with other people about your progressive views on women’s bodies. Thing is you’re using people who most likely already agree with you regarding this topic as target practice.

    You’re not progressing that cause here, very few (if any) people on lemony whatever are on the other side of this issue, you are self aggrandising based on how clever you think your point is. It denigrates the cause by making proponents of that cause look disorganised, confused and ornery.

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  • [–] 18 points 4 months ago* (5 children)

    Its an image comparing a woman's body to property. Pointing out how much it sucks to post something like that isnt "friendly fire", its the only appropriate way to respond.

    I pretty regularly see people comment or post sexist shit here, which isnt surprising given a huge amount of the users came from reddit. We all have stuff to unpack, including me. But when you see stuff like that you call it out.

    It's a little unreal to me that with half of lemmy I have to argue there isn't a secret fascist psyop any time someone doesn't agree with them, and then I apparently also have to explain that no, people on lemmy ARE in fact very capable of sexism (that is largely a vent in general, and my frustration about the former half is not directed at you. Its just disorienting the range of conceptions about who this platform is made out of)

    Even if everyone on this platform is a leftist (which is not the case, there are plenty of liberals), peoples political ideology does not make them immune to carrying the social conditioning of growing up in a society that sees some folks are more or less legitimate, autonomous humans than others. Leftists are 1000% capable of sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia, and all manner of other harmful internalized ideas.

    Why the hell would people on lemmy not be capable of sexism? I saw someone post some sexist shit like literally yesterday. I politely pointed out that it was innapropriate and they took the post down.

    Deciding maybe Bernie has a point that billionaires have too much money doesnt equate to having unpacked all the harmful cultral bullshit you pick up as normal in society. Don't compare women to property. And calling it out when someone does that isn't "friendly fire". If they didn't have any shit to unpack they wouldn't post something like that.

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  • [–] 1 point 4 months ago (3 children)

    Jesus bruh.

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  • [–] 1 point 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (2 children)

    Sorry for the wall of text, I'm tired of people hiding from unpacking their garbage while saying harmful things to the spaces I care about.

    Women deserve to be able to come here and not feel like this spaces sees them as lesser humans whose humanity is only legitimate when they are gratifying enough to men. It's a direct comparison to property, everyone here should be able to see thats wrong.

    And then he doubled down and posted a meme that compares a tattooed black man to property.

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  • [–] 1 point 4 months ago (1 child)

    I understand. I’m sure everyone has flown off the handle from time to time. I certainly have. I’m honestly just concerned. Your post felt like someone who is experiencing a great deal of stress probably from more than one source. You really should find a way to reflect and give yourself a little room to breathe. Give your mind some space to relax and expand. It’s abundantly clear that you mean well but when you become over invested in the massive amount of problems in the world out there it’s possible for one begin to neglect ones self. Take care ok?

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  • [–] 1 point 4 months ago

    I'm doing just fine lol, I'm just very long winded.

    I care about this space, and I care that folks can feel respected when they come here. To me that means calling out bad behavior when you see it, and if you have to explain why it's bad behavior then you explain.

    Hope you have a lovely day ☺️

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  • [–] 6 points 4 months ago (3 children)

    Same side? The comparison in the picture was so crazy out of pocket that I was struggling to even wrap my head around what was being conveyed until it was pointed out. Ain't none of my friends making comparisons like that unless they've had a chud conservative phase and they quit that shit. Regardless of how attractive they find tattoos.

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  • [–] -3 points 4 months ago (2 children)

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  • [–] 3 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

    I think most would agree that the building doesn't look good, while tor the woman, it depends on if tatoos are a turn-off or if you're fine with them.

    I'm fine with tatoos and the woman is beautiful to me.

    Why can't I say as much about the building despite graffiti being arguably like tatoos? If you think about it a bit, the answer is obvious.

    The woman is the one who decides what to put and where on her body. In that sense, it's part of her expression, her identity. She didn't draw them herself, but since she made decisions to express what she wants, it makes it her art to a point.

    While there was not one person to decide for the building. Several came and drew whatever. And often without a lot of effort or skill going in. The point here is mostly to say This is me. I was there. Look what daring edgy thing I did in a place that's hard to reach.

    If a lot of people took markers and wrote their name on a woman's body without much effort or skill and without striving for some sort of cohesion to the overall endeavour, I don't think it would have been appealing, either to an onlooker or the woman herself.

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