wonderingwanderer comments on Padme knows what she likes

[–] wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 0 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Okay, I guess I'm just invisible to women for other reasons, even when they've blatantly chosen aggressive machismo types over me throughout my life? I've had women confide in me about their abusive boyfriends, and when I ask why they don't leave them they get upset at me. Does that make me a "nice guy incel" in your view? Feel free to invalidate my life experience, I don't care. I'm used to it.

and having no charisma

Oh, so I'm just supposed to be outgoing and confident as a chronically depressed introvert in a world that biases towards extroversion and punishes nonconformity? Sounds simple /s

The "positive vibes only" crowd are some of the most subtly toxic people I've ever met, by the way. "Oh, you're having a problem? Sorry, I can't empathize, good vibes only dude." That's how countries sleepwalk into fascism.

Work on yourself

As if I haven't...

all that is expected is to not have your eyes constantly downcast. Standing up straight doesn't mean being aggressive.

a lifetime of chronic depression, low self-esteem, abuse, and ostracization makes it difficult not to have a habit of downcast eyes.
if I stand too straight people tell me I'm being arrogant because they can sense that this false confidence doesn't come naturally to me and they love to dogpile on perceived weaknesses. As someone who's already been labeled as a pariah, I'm literally not allowed to have self-confidence, and society will collectively punish me any time I start improving in that regard.

Your pattern of thought is definitely unattractive though.

It's not my duty to have an attractive pattern of thought, my mind is my own and I don't need to twist it into shapes to try to impress others. I gave up on dating long ago, but that doesn't mean I'll stop talking about my personal experience.

Also, you're acting like you assume my pattern of thought came first, but that's not how cognitive development works. The ostracization definitely came first. In middle school I tried to be friends with everybody and was called a spaz. And over the years of bullying and rejection I slowly slid deeper into cynicism to arrive at where I am today.

Yes, it does come off as nice guy bullshit.

I told you that's what you would think. You're so predictable. Also, what I was saying went right over your head because it sounded too close to something you could pigeonhole. That's very primitive pattern-recognition on your part, like you're still stuck in the 2010s. Heuristics developed as a survival trait but they can be maladaptive in modern society. It's called prejudice.

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[–] Grimy@lemmy.world -2 points 5 months ago (1 child)

It's predictable because that's what any sane person would say. Your whole comment is basically saying that you have terrible self esteem and aren't charismatic. You don't think that's the problem?

You are latching on to this fantasy that the game is already lost because you aren't "aggressive" enough for a reason. It means the situation is out of your hands and you don't have to commit to anything or change your own problem behavior.

Grow up bro. It's not everyone else's duty to deal with your incel bullshit either. It's one thing to have a bad thought pattern, it's another to blame women so you don't have to deal with yourself.

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[–] wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 7 points 5 months ago

Being well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society is no measure of sanity.

You're right, I have terrible self-esteem and I'm not charismatic. Are you going to keep doubling down that that's somehow my fault? As if I'm just choosing arbitrarily to be that way? As if I have any choice at all? Literally any other demographic expresses those kinds of issues and you'll say it's society's fault, but when it's a man then you treat him like a punching bag because he's an easy target. "Hey everyone, gang up on the loser! Hey loser, this is your fault for being a loser! Stop being such a loser and then maybe people will respect you!"

You are latching on to this fantasy that the game is already lost because you aren't "aggressive" enough for a reason

There's multiple reasons why I've "lost" the "game" of life (your words, not mine). And one part of it, the subject of this thread, is that society rewards aggressive domineering behavior in men and punishes men for showing passiveness or empathy. There are literal studies done on this, just look up the prevalence of dark triad traits in high-level corporate positions.

Stop gaslighting me that society is perfect and everything is my fault, because I guarantee you that as soon as anyone other than a cishetero white man starts complaining about their life you'll be all "oh that's so unfair, you know society is really sick and broken." But no apparently society is perfect whenever I have a problem. Look yourself in a fucking mirror.

Grow up bro. It's not everyone else's duty to deal with your incel bullshit either.

You're seriously telling me to grow up while you're tossing around a childish insult about being unable to get laid, specifically to denigrate me after I mentioned society's tendency to reward toxic masculinity and punish effeminate men for non-conformity, and the personal impact this has had on my life?

You don't realize how counter-productive that is? You're only reinforcing toxic masculinity and stigmatizing anyone who calls out the patterns and pushes back on it.

It's one thing to have a bad thought pattern, it's another to blame women so you don't have to deal with yourself.

Point to where I ever blamed "women" for my thought patterns. I made a societal critique. The bulk of that critique is how society rewards toxic traits and punishes emotional intelligence or perceived feminity.

Are people not allowed to critique society? Cause if not then I guess you say the same thing to feminists, right?

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