People often try to minimize conflict to maintain the status quo. They may not mean it to be explicitly personal against you, but that doesn't really feel better when they tolerate people being shitty to you. It feels spineless because it is.

The question for you is whether they make you feel good enough to try to make space away from the people who make you feel unseen or actively disliked. For me personally, I'd rather be around people who will stand up for me than be around people who are kind of lukewarm and wait to experience those moments when they'll show that they don't really care enough about how things affect me to have my back. That doesn't mean I'm going to cut off people who don't jump to my defense, but the amount of emotional investment they show needs to be factored into the emotional investment I give.

If someone can't stand up for me or at least commiserate after the fact and strongly show that they do actually care, what are we actually doing? Like, it's nice to have casual acquaintances as well as closer friends, but if me being mistreated doesn't register, it's probably going to kind of suck spending time in that group. I'd rather spend that time with people who actively enjoy being around me to the point that they want me to feel comfortable.

Personally, the way I process it is that it's either fuck yes or it's no. It's a waste of time and emotional energy chasing after people who don't care enough to be supportive.