you'd never get invited for coffee and smokes

Well, you take the rough with the smooth with English:

Smooth:

• verb conjugation rules are straightforward
• adjective declension is trivial - don't do it
• easy to make most plurals, only a handful of exceptions to learn
• no grammatical gender

Rough:

• can't have too many words that mean almost-but-not-quite the same thing
• spelling is the fever dream of a madman. In particular, eighteen or so vowel sounds represented by five letters, words transliterated from other languages that may or may not have their pronunciation changed, words that have had their pronunciation changed over the centuries but spelling hasn't been updated. Because fuck you, that's why.
• putting two words together to make noun phrases that don't have the meaning of either word
• a plethora, indeed a veritable abundance, of strange grammatical forms

You mostly take the rough, to be fair.

Fain is very archaic, it's not something that would be used anymore. Even back in 1906 it was archaic.

wait i know that word and i know how to parse it but i don't know what the fuck it means. nobody tell me it is hidden in the coffee