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My want to retake my meds but my wife doesn't want me to. Any advice? (lemmy.dbzer0.com)
submitted 6 months ago by to c/adhd@lemmy.world
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I'm trying to retake the medication that I took back in high school (Concerta) so I can study for and eventually take the Comptia A+ exam. The idea being that I've a decently-paying remote job that will benefit both my wife and I. My wife, however, refuses to let me get my meds. This isn't the first we've had this conversion and every time she says the same thing: "You just need to focus naturally", "It's all in your head", "Doctors are only in it for themselves" and so on. There's no getting through to her and I'm tired of trying to get to reason with me. I think I'm going to get my meds in secret and hide them. I know that this is a bad idea but she leaves me no choice. Any advice?

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[–] 11 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (2 children)

Two points I hope help you:

My personal belief is not the same as your wife but similar: As a long time ADHD adult, I've come to believe ADHD is a societal problem not a mental illness. It is a version of humaness. This is my experience and I don't expect others to accept it. But, there is a psychological concept that if you remove societal pressure to "be" a certain way, and you are allowed to be you and the suffering is alleviated, its not mental illness.

That being said, you are a grown adult who is allowed to decide what you need. Your wife is being borderline abusive if she is using those actual words and threatening consequences. If you believe this is your best option, put your foot down, thank her for her opinion and say you're doing what's best for you and ultimately it is your own choice. Be prepared to be met with threatened consequences if that's a thing, and try to have the courage to say something like "Threatening me is not acceptable, and I'd like you to work on that issue. If you are unwilling to try and see things differently and this is not something you can live with, let's talk in a healthy way."

Another small note: I wouldn't even bring up that you're trying to improve her life. You have the right to improve your own life and experience and that's enough. Including her in that opens the door for her to say "I don't want you to do that for me." which is not relevant in this case as long as there has been no history of side effects of the meds causing problems for those around you.

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  • [–] 13 points 6 months ago (1 child)

    Your first part is correct, but we're not living in a vacuum. We're living in a society populated and created mainly by and for neurotypical people. If you're far enough outside of that, not being able to navigate that environment and live a successful and fulfilling life - even in the absence of societal pressure - can be traumatic enough that medication is a great option.

    All of the above said, I agree that changing your own perspective on yourself, coming to terms with "I am who I am", can relieve a good portion of the distress of living in a world that isn't really "for" you. If necessary, a combination of self-awareness, self-acceptance, and appropriate medication may be a real light in the darkness.

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  • [–] 2 points 6 months ago

    Oh yes. I don't mean to imply that society can be turned off like a switch. I just wanted to share that looking at myself through that lens has helped me, and also to start pushing a back, or at least shielding myself, against the attitudes around me -- which I believe is the first step in changing society. I fully realize many people are not in a place that will allow this right now, but I hope by sharing this experience, it can help make change. I believe in medication as a vital bridge to health and happiness but regardless of the context, is often just a bandaid solution.

    I think the bigger concern here is the wife's behavior and language and it's not at all helpful. I believe it is close to abusive if one is going to threaten's another's autonomy. If she has valid complaints about his behavior or the side effects he experiences while on the meds, that's a discussion to have.

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