There’s also just incompatible ‘autism types’. I’m very quiet and sensitive to noise, an autistic friend of my husband’s is EXTREMELY loud and physically engaged at all times. There’s nothing wrong with either of us being this way, but if I’m around him for more than an hour I start to have a sensory meltdown because I literally can’t take it. Last time I tried to power through it I actually wound up yelping in terror when he yelled unexpectedly 😅
It sounds more like the people OP is dealing with are emotionally young or immature and not sure how, able, or willing to accommodate differences or neurodivergence.