and they are saying things like, what women say they want and their actions don't seem to be aligning and a lot of them are either done dating or at minimum have no intention of long term commitment. "Women say equality but not when the check comes. They want men to be open with their emotions but it gives them 'the ick'. Men shouldn't approach women in public because it's creepy, but now the internet is flooded with women asking where men went and why they are being so effeminate. " That's the kind of thinking I'm seeing in those circles.

You don't have to be a "red pill guy" to point out those inconsistencies. You did it yourself:

there's a lot of sentiment from women expressing disdain for the idea of going 50-50 with a man, and a lot of preference for men that out earn them. That's inconsistent from a financial independence mindset.

It's kind of destructive to promote this cultural mindset where pointing out logical inconsistencies is seen as toxic. You can remove gender from that equation and it would still hold true.

No one who says guys showing their emotions gives them the ick can truthfully call themselves a feminist. That's toxic masculinity. The same applies for women who still insist that men should pay for dates.

Women can promote patriarchy and toxic masculinity, and many do without realizing it, while calling themselves feminists. "Gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss" would have bell hooks rolling in her grave. Likewise, men can be harmed by patriarchy, and toxic masculinity arguably harms men the most.

What people so often miss is that simply pointing out these common logical inconsistencies, is not the same as generalizing them and accusing "all women" as some abstract concept of doing it. People are quick to ridicule someone for saying "not all men are toxic assholes," but the "not all women" argument is implicit in the whole "how dare you point out anything wrong that any woman has ever said or done?!?" mentality.

Wondering why men don't approach women anymore isn't really promoting toxic masculinity, but it is kind of silly since it's just a logical consequence of treating every man who approaches a woman as some predatory pickup artist. And pointing out that the men who ignore that obvious disdain and do it anyway are the men who don't have respect for women and boundaries, shouldn't be viewed as "incel" logic, because then you're basically focusing your ire on the person who says "Oh, women don't like being approached. Okay then, I won't approach women."

Of course, people will probably call me names for this, because how dare I express an unpopular or uncomfortable opinion? In my view, the taboo topics are often the most important to talk about. Society won't benefit from more misandristic circlejerks, if it would we'd be living in an egalitarian utopia by now.