Sometimes it's not the fact that you make your passion your job, that kills the spark. It can be a series of very unfortunate events happening in quick succession that dims what makes life so much fun.

For me it was a culmination of changes at my job that saddled me with too much work and the fact that several people in my personal life went through big crises all within the same period of time.

I worked close to a 100 hours a week with barely any breaks. No downtime, no weekends. No vacations. What little time I did have was spent being a therapist or mediator for people in my life who were very unhappy.

I was given promises at work that kept my spirits up, but when it was time for them to be kept, I was let down. Not only that, within the same week we lost all our clients due to budget cuts because inflation kicked everybody's asses.

And then I snapped. I'm lucky I have an amazing and caring boyfriend because that shit could have developed into a serious mental health crisis. It had just been a full year of trying to stay positive and being let down over and over and over and over while everybody I cared about were suffering.

Things kept being fucked for another year, but it felt less extreme because the workload was more normal by then, but also because we made a lot of good changes at home. We moved into a place that was better for us. That helped a lot.

I'm still not doing my passions at home despite having set up an entire room for it. I know it will come back at some point. When I'm ready. I try to treat my creativity like it's a wild animal. You have to let it come to you and you can't chase it.

I think I will be like you again sometime soon. I used to be until 2024, when it all happened. I have also gone through much worse crises before this one where my passion went away for a while. This too shall pass, as they say.