I'm so sorry that you had to go through this, this post was painful to read. I'm non-OP myself and while I considered surgery before, I ultimately decided it wasn't for me. I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like to go through this, but I do want you to know there are people who are there for you. I know others have said this but please look for a therapist, and try to find some IRL support groups. I know it's hard but things can get better.
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