A still from the movie Demolition Man in which some police officers prepare to confront a character played by Wesley Snipes.
Top Text: Demolition Man: A movie which depicts a horrifying dystopia...
Bottom Text:...in which food is too healthy, bidets are common, and cops literally don't know how to assault a black man.
The way you've described it isn't how it works at all, they even have studies linking bidet use directly to something like a 2/3rds overall reduction in paper waste. Cleaning a little bit of water off your clean ass is ez!
You've literally constructed a reality which doesnt exist to avoid a bidet and you don't realize that's weird. It's super weird.