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How did we decide on the same starter pack? (lemmy.world)
submitted 8 months ago by to c/femboy@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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Why do you think is it that seemingly we as a community all get basically the same starter pack when trying out feminine clothing for the first time? Like I feel everyone gets a black and/or pink skater skirt, black-and-white thigh highs, an oversized shirt with print, a black crop top, a cropped hoodie and either black arm sleeves or mesh sleeves. How did that start and why do so many start out like that?

Edit: Not that I think it's bad or anything. It's fine to have a go-to and I even think these starter pack items look really cute. I still like wearing them. It's just kind of odd to me.

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[–] 6 points 8 months ago (1 child)

I think I've so often thought of femboys as being "pre"-transfem that a transmasc enby femboy so perfectly challenges that I'm tempted now to adjust my anchoring bias for femboys to be transmasc

also completely makes sense that you had to look and feel male enough before femininity could really fit as a comfortable "gender non-conforming" look for you (rather than just causing dysphoria and being perceived as female and gender-conforming)

I basically didn't wear pants for the first year of my transition for related reasons (basically couldn't stand anything that could be perceived as masculine or unisex clothes until I actually looked female enough for the clothes to not make me feel like a man).

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  • [–] 7 points 8 months ago

    Yeah, those first years can be pretty rough. I showed signs and kinda knew as early as 13, but didn't get a chance to act on it until college, and I wouldn't be able to come out til I was in my 20s.

    I actually have drag to thank for making me realize I could transition at all. My first ever show had a transmasc drag king, and was right before a community education set held by the drag artists. After he explained why he had a real beard and opened the floor for questions, someone asked if a person could transition to male and perform as a drag queen instead. The whole crew gave a resounding yes and explained the difference between gender and personal style, as well as other nuances. But as someone who genuinely thought I wasn't allowed to be a guy because I love femme clothing, makeup, jewelry, etc., that was so important for me to hear. I knew it was allowed for "cis" people, and I knew about trans women, but I was stuck in "still cis tho" mode.

    As far as the OP question goes, I do want to clarify that, while I don't think the starter pack applies to all femboys, there are a lot of shared experiences and lingo that is constantly being added to as more people become comfortable with being visibly queer and femme in ways they historically haven't. And I honestly love that. I may not have gotten the spinny skirt, but I always smile seeing that joy of someone wearing something they enjoy. We need more queer joy in the world.

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