Uplifting News

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[–] protist@mander.xyz 27 points 10 months ago (1 child)

Dude. The guy had autism. He was not manipulating them with that statement

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[–] tetris11@feddit.uk 11 points 10 months ago*

Oh I know, I was talking about my own mental/emotional handicaps. I am immune to puppy-dog eyes and self-deprecating statements, I have just seen it misused too much growing up

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[–] Wildmimic@anarchist.nexus 17 points 10 months ago (3 children)

I also have the tendency to ask for forgiveness or asking if i did something wrong (but without puppy eyes i hope); it comes from a place of always questioning myself and very low self esteem. I just want to let you know for people like me (i've got a personality disorder) or Ronnie it's not about manipulation, it's about missing this basic trust in my surroundings and in the stability of relationships that most people have. I actually really want to know if i fucked up so i can do better; just keep in in the back of your mind before you are too cold to someone who doesn't deserve it.

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[–] tetris11@feddit.uk 3 points 10 months ago* (2 children)

I will try to keep an open heart. Fwiw I used to have the same low self esteem, and still do needlessly stick my neck out to be chopped by others in moments where I don't believe in myself and want to prove my fealty to others through peity....

I can only say this after decades of experience: don't put yourself down, even jokingly, in front of others. You may think that you're telegraphing humility or a lack of arrogance, but all you're actually doing is showing others how to treat you. Don't do it.

Sorry for the preachy comment

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[–] Wildmimic@anarchist.nexus 5 points 10 months ago (1 child)

That's easier said than done - the low self esteem and the fear of rejection is an integral part of my personality (AvPD is a bitch), but since the same fear of rejection causes me to just break off relationships, i rarely encounter those situations nowadays.

I wish you happy holidays!

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[–] tetris11@feddit.uk 4 points 10 months ago*

Oh wow, I wish I saw this wikipedia article a few years ago. This was (is still partially) me to a Tee!

All I can say is: get your heart broken, be laughed at, endure ridicule, and come out the otherside a ~~broken, jaded, dejected~~ better and stronger person :-)

Happy holidays to you too fellow AvPDer!

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[–] Monument@lemmy.sdf.org 5 points 10 months ago

I’ve been manipulated by people who do it on purpose, and it really screws with one’s threat response. (Especially if the manipulation occurred during formative years.)

I have to make an intentional effort to coach myself through these situations to have an appropriate level of empathy. It’s really fucking hard not to sound like an asshole sometimes - and really easy for others to misunderstand me because they don’t have the same frame of reference.