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Is there a term for someone who is ok with the rest of their body, but wishes they had the other genitals? (slrpnk.net)
submitted 1 year ago by to c/lgbtq_plus@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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I'm afab and if the surgery was possible for turning what I have into a fully functioning dick, I would have done it by now.

Basically I'm comfortable with my perceived gender, I just wish how I see myself mentally when I think about sex, matched up to what I've got in my pants. I've felt this way since I was a young teenager too, so it's not a phase or a fetish, it's how I've wanted to present sexually for most of my life.

Does this disconnect I'm talking about just fall under the non-binary trans umbrella? Or is it a seperate thing?

Are there any other people here who feel this way?

(Phalloplasty does not appeal to me. The surgery is brutal, it doesn't look right (to me) when it heals, it isn't functional how I would want it to be, and it isn't sensitive like a dick.)

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[–] [S] 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (7 children)

I understand it's about bodily autonomy but after seeing friends dealing with so much self loathing due to their anatomy, and hearing my ex talking about what she went through to get surgery and the complications she had after, it always felt like it would be wrong, like rubbing sand into a wound, to bring up how I wanted to present myself. My ex probably guessed a bit eventually but she was not into it.

If I meet more trans guys who it's appropriate to talk to about this, I'll give it a go! Thank you for your advice.

I might actually email my ex and see if I can talk to her about this too. I don't know too many people irl right now and she's a pretty good problem solver, all things considered.

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  • [–] 9 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    Ok, let me give you another produce perspective.

    I had breast augmentation and it's been a huge source of joy.

    But something else that's a source of joy for me is seeing the goofy smile of joy on a trans guys face, when he shares a photo of the first time he went swimming topless after top surgery.

    You don't need to assume talking about the things you want will make other folk unhappy just because they don't want it. Play it by ear and respect people's boundaries if they do express discomfort and you'll be fine.

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  • [–] 5 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    There is a lot of spectrum on the binary, and dysphoria doesn’t always have to be an all or nothing thing, some people are okay with parts of there body, but have dysphoria from other things like social roles and expectations (I’m referencing my own experience here). This really helped me think about dysphoria as something that can take many different shapes and forms for different people : https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en

    One of the parts I am enjoying about exploring gender is that you can figure out what it all means for you

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  • [–] 2 points 1 year ago (2 children)

    People who have clear interests that contrast my own make it much easy to realize my own thoughts are not that of a cis men. Given the pressure cis men are put under to pretend they like being cis men, I couldn't trust them to be honest*, so seeing others' thoughts was helpful. So thanks for saying you actually want a penis?

    *sorry to anyone who I accidentally laughed because I thought you were making fun of masculinity rather than earnestly embracing it because I couldn't imagine someone actually wanting that.

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  • [–] [S] 2 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    Do you feel this dysphoria with your parts but not gender too?

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  • [–] 2 points 1 year ago

    I think that's at least approximately correct. Not sure I trust my judgement on my own emotions though. I still just use my birthname, boymode for work, etc and I've been aware I'm trans for a few years at this point. But it was over I realized I wanted an orchi and never considered that it might somehow be related to gender.

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