because the funereal business is a sham.

can't have y without x and if you get x you need z. we've conveniently packaged it together in our x-z package for a low cost of $6999. isn't this what the dearly departed would want from you? don't they deserve the best??

and that's why I'm a complete fucking asshole. I don't deserve the best. I deserve to rot in a culvert on the outskirts of the airport.