The president approached the creepy skull-faced wraith several times with generous, multibillion-dollar offers but was met with nothing more than a frantic waving of bony arms. We do not take these insults lightly, and America will not back down.” Diplomatic observers warned the breakdown in relations could threaten U.S. interests, allowing the giant hairy spider with red LED eyes to swoop in and increase its soft power across the globe

Goddamn I love these writers