You calm down (piefedimages.s3.eu-central-003.backblazeb2.com)
 
Now I understand why girls get so mad when you tell them to calm down because today I was fighting with a coworker and my Apple watch told me “take a minute to breathe” and on God I almost threw that thing into the Mediterranean.
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[–] 8 points 1 year ago (11 children)

Telling people "calm down" is a very unconstructive de-escalation tactic because it has no substance. People respond much better if you address specific conduct, explain a potential consequence, ask for something else, and then give space.
For example, when someone needs to calm down, I tell them "You'd better fix that attitude problem of yours before it gets you into trouble", and then as soon as they begin to respond I interrupt with "Close your mouth" and I walk away. This makes people realize they're overreacting and they calm down right away.

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  • [–] 8 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    The number of people addressing this post as serious advice is troubling.

    Laughing when I got to "Close your mouth"!

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  • [–] 2 points 1 year ago

    It is, but keep in mind that if you don't intentionally misinterpret things you know to be jokes, you won't get to act smug about how awful they are. It's good to see we have some people bringing the core aspect of reddit culture here.

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  • [–] 11 points 1 year ago (3 children)

    None of that sounds productive to me. It seems accusatory and self-satisfied to the point of being abusive. Sounds like the kind of things infuriatingly rude people say and do to try and deflect from their own toxicity.

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  • [–] 5 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    "You" statements are often read as accusatory, consider the "I" statement: "I need you to calm down because I'm becoming stressed by your attitude"

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  • [–] 3 points 1 year ago

    "I feel stressed with your attitude" is the I statement. It needs to start with your feelings on a particularly situation.

    Even better is one that doesn't include an accusation. "I feel stressed when you get upset over stupid shit" works better if you keep it to "I feel stressed when you get upset." -- keeps the discussion on feelings instead of openning it up for an argument on stupid shit.

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