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It Took Many Years And Billions Of Dollars, But Microsoft Finally Invented A Calculator That Is Wrong Sometimes (defector.com)
submitted 1 year ago by to c/technology@lemmy.world
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[–] 124 points 1 year ago (13 children)

Microsoft announces new Chief Accuracy Officer, Jack Handey

Mr. Handey has released a statement:

Instead of having "answers" on a math test, they should just call them "impressions," and if you got a different "impression," so what, can't we all be brothers?

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  • [–] 77 points 1 year ago (10 children)

    "If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you’ll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.”

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  • [–] 64 points 1 year ago (9 children)

    “If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.”

    -Jack Handy

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  • [–] 10 points 1 year ago (7 children)

    That's a brilliant quote

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  • [–] 18 points 1 year ago (6 children)

    Jack Handey was an SNL writer, “Deep Thoughts” was a series of one-liners that aired between sketches in the early 90s.

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  • [–] 8 points 1 year ago (4 children)

    Loved finding out he was a real person and was a legendary writer.

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  • [–] 10 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (3 children)

    Oh shit, I always thought it was a fictional name that the writers used for the random stuff that come up during the writing process. Didn't know it was a real person!

    Holy shit, he created Toonces!

    Handey is also credited with creating Toonces the Driving Cat, the cat who could drive a car, although not very well.

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  • [–] 1 point 1 year ago

    "Hmm. I wonder. I was thinking of dancing trees. Now I'm wondering what's next. Screaming trees. Yeah. That's got to be the answer. Screaming trees." - private notes by Hans Reiser, filesystem designer and a convicted murderer

    (OK, that's a fake quote. This one is real:)

    "Trees have their roots pointing up. And if you cut a tree apart, you get a forest. No, I'm not drunk." - one of my computer science profs, on data structures

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