The Glaive!

I haven't tried exorcisms yet, but I've used it to cut and eat steak and rice, spaghetti and meatballs, and even mix yogurt and mayonnaise.

What do exorcisms taste like? Are they like circumcisions?

I'm not sure if wooden utensils are suitable for that...

It's a multipurpose tool. Recommended usage varies by season...

Nope, hacksaw, bench grinder, and Dremel rotary tool.

Hopefully something food-grade, like Walnut oil

Nah, not sealed, it's just wood. I'm not exactly sure what type of wood, it was from excess cutoff from a bed mattress support board.