Now that just pisses me off more. As someone who thoroughly enjoyed smoking but has stayed quit since the 90s, one of the things that has kept me quit has been the very quiet idea in the back of my head that if I ever needed to, if I ever really needed to, I could and would.

But the deal is I have to hold out as long as possible, or until an occasion where it no longer really matters. Meaning that because I'm a fucking mule of stubbornness I would probably see a mushroom cloud on the horizon and then die cursing that I have no time to fire up one last smoke for the occasion.

I don't even remember the exact year I quit now. I only remember I made that deal with myself and have kept it, and how good that very first toke of the very first cig is: all the rest go very quickly downhill from there and you're back to tasting like an ashtray and feeling like shit and wheezing up stairs. (Yes, it took me multiple tries to quit.) But I always had that one fantastic "emergency" first toke hidden in the back of my wallet of self-restraint.

And now these motherfuckers have taken that too. Pride's not great for much, but goddamn if I'll join these little pricks in a smoke. They've just sucked all the joy out of even the thought of it. Probably for the best, but damn. Hope it kills the little shits.