I know the alt text is provided for the visually impaired, but that alt text is really no help at all without a huge amount of context, lol

Right, because that is not the point. The main purpose of alt text is not to add context, it's to aid the visually impaired, etc. Alt text is supposed to describe what is in the image, not provide additional backstory. One absolutely can add additional context in the alt text if they choose, but that is by no means expected out of alt text.