I know I shouldn't have, and I'm sorry I did. But it was lying on the floor next to the bed, and I guess she forgot to put it up.

I opened it, and now I'm very worried about her. In her personal life, she's a jester. She's always so joyful with everyone around her.

Well, in her diary, every entry I looked at, even the most recent one, is about how profoundly depressed she is, and how she wants to kill herself, but for one reason or another is too afraid to do so. Even entries from years ago are like this. It seems like she's felt this way for years, maybe even most of her life.

She gives all kinds of reasons why, from money/probably never being able to own a home (we're poor), to just general feelings of being "tired of life".

I had no idea. I don't think anyone does besides me. I'm freaking out while I wait for her to come home this evening.

Now that I know, how the hell do I bring it up? Wtf do you do when you know this kind of info and can't tell her how you do?

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[–] 5 points 3 months ago*

It could just be a way to get the thoughts out. She can very much know and understand that they are just intrusive thoughts but that doesn’t make it any easier.

My so oftentimes doesn’t really understand that there’s not a good reason for them. They just are. And one can point to different reasons to someone such as yourself to try to explain or rationalize a bit.

She could be wanting to do the hiking and games nights and stuff to escape from her head too. Sometimes you need a distraction and she may be looking forward to them too.

Personally if I have things in my life to focus on and think about then the intrusive thoughts dwindle a bit. But either you get used to them or you don’t.

Music might not be your thing but have a listen or just read the lyrics to Fine Again by Seether. They really resonate with me and may help you understand a little better what she might be going through. Especially your comments about how she seems totally fine.

everyday's the same 
and I'm left to discover on my own 
It seems like everything is gray 
and there's no color to behold 
They say it's over and I'm fine again, yeah 
Try to stay sober, feels like I'm dyin', here 

And I am aware now of how 
everything's gonna be fine one day 
Too late, I'm in hell 
I am prepared now, 
seems everyone's gonna be fine 
One day too late, just as well 

I feel the dream in me expire 
and there's no one left to blame it on 
I hear you label me a liar 
'cause I can't seem to get this through 
You say it's over, I can sigh again, yeah 
Why try to stay sober when I'm dyin', here? 

And I am aware now of how 
everything's gonna be fine one day 
Too late, I'm in hell 
I am prepared now, 
seems everyone's gonna be fine 
One day too late, just as well 

And I'm not scared now. 
I must assure you, 
you're never gonna get away 
And I'm not scared now. 
And I'm not scared now, No.. 

I am aware now of how 
everything's gonna fine one day 
Too late, I'm in hell 
I am prepared now 
seems eveyone's gonna be fine 
One day too late, just as well 
I am prepared now, 
seems eveything's gonna be fine for me 
For me; for myself 
For me, for me, for myself 
For me, for me, for myself 
I am pepared now for myself 
I am prepared now, and I am found... again

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