It is absolutely less physically violent, I was never discussing violence in the broadest sense of the term, but physical violence.

Which is interesting and perhaps you should review why you are selectively focusing on this - it is the reason people are saying you are victim-blaming, after all.

You selectively pick the physical violence the victim employed as a reaction to the sexual violence she experienced. You consciously choose to ignore the sexual violence having been done to her, and in fact spell this out very clearly in your response here.

In other words, you choose to ignore the violence the perpetrator originally employed, and only want to ‘discuss’ (i.e. delegitimise) the responsive violence employed by the victim as her last method of harm reduction. That is the classical rhetorical device used to victim-blame, and if you still actually can’t see it I’d suggest reading up on that and investigating your own ethics.