Just a heads up this story is over two months old. That said, here are some key points:

• The accused, Kasper Lincoln, is officially titled "Barbie Jeep Driver."
• Kasper Lincoln just wanted to get a slurpee and his license was suspended.
• He was driving on the sidewalk until it ended.
• He was arrested by an unmarked police car. A Ghost Car, if you will.
• The lawyer has, among her certificates, a "Bad Ass Award" and a "DUI Defense" certificate. They're next to each other.
• Kasper Lincoln did his hand signals and everything.